IT

I run, it follows


I fight, it wins


I smile, it returns


I go down, it takes me lower


I win a battle, it wins the war


I feel, it hurts


I dream, it crushes


I hope, it doesn’t care

When there is absence of light...

There is a demon inside that I fear I cannot control. He is intelligent, ruthless, and never ceases. He can take the most beautiful, serene, and honest moment and turn it into hell. He can make me want to pack up and quit on a whim at any moment and situation in my life. He takes any moment of self-respect and nullifies whatever confidence may be felt. He assures that sorrow, helplessness, and despair are never but a wave of emotions away. Very few things can overcome him (even if for the briefest moments) except self awareness and never ending understanding from those around me (which to date doesn’t exist). He causes me to lie, steal, treat others unkind, and never to be satisfied. To date, the will power I possess is no match for his callous omnipresent tentacles. He understands my true deepest desires and goals and assures that these are the accomplishments furthermost from experiencing. The only solace I can confide is in the music that sweeps my emotions away (even if for just a couple of minutes). The music’s intoxicating veil lifts my soul and sheds light on the dark demon momentarily allowing my soul to briefly escape the dark side. The music always reveals our exaggerated fears and insecurities and our authentic self. But, alas, there is no match for the demons merciless thirst for self destruction. I have often felt a surreal sense of being out of body when the demon takes over. I can see what is happening as it occurs but I have no control of his appalling actions. Once I repopulate my actions the instantaneous feeling of guilt and regret render me in capable of being productive or expressive in any manner. The irony of it all is that when the demon is in control it is nothing of what I consider my true self, yet when he arrives no one is spared and I can confide in no one. The demon guarantees abstinence of light so Anhedonia permeates my soul.

Not As Crazy As He May Seem...

Today I began my day, like many days, checking the news on the home page of yahoo.com and I was greated by a disturbing picture of a damaged building.

I read on about Jow Stack. Joe was considered, well, to be an average Joe by many of his friends, family and coworkers. Apparantly Joe was upset with the IRS. We can all relate to being frustrated with our government and especialy the IRS. Well, Joe apparantly couldn't take the IRS typical cold and unepathetic stance on their laws and guidlines and Joe flew a plane into a building in Austin, Texas were some of the local IRS offices are (pictured above).  I do not condone risking others peoples lives in order to make a point. But, I think if we all can take a empathetic moment and put our selves in his shoes we might understand.

Joe had atempted to start several busniess in CA that failed and in two particular years he didnt file taxes. Joe said he didnt file taxes because he didnt make any money, but the IRS didnt care that he didnt have any earnrings to be taxed, so so he received fines for not filing taxesfor which he owed no taxes. Making a really long story short.... Joe was recently approached by the local IRS tax office with threats of freezing his bank accounts, assets, and his home in Austin, TX. Like I said before, his method is questionable, but we can all understand the feeling of hoplessness. Like any animal, when we are pushed against a wall and we feel we have no way out we attack.

My entire point in writting about this is not to condone violent acts in order to attempt to prove points, but its that I feel our government has grown so big and powerful that they bully its citizens daily. Our country was founded on principles that were clearly established in order not to allow a large centralized government entity (be it a monarchy or capitalistic toltalitarian dictatorship) from running our everyday lives. Over time, the government has used our fears and money to gain more and more control untill we no longer live in a free society. Are we really free?

Can we pick up and move across the world? Can we chose to live our lives as a reclouse lost in the mountains not paying taxes or wanting to interact with the rest of society? Can we chose what high school, prep school, or university to go to? The answer to all of these really is no. We have the illusion that we can make choices in our lives, but the reality is the government and its interests have limited our choices to what they want us to decide. Drug companies, insurance companies, oil, special interest groups, etc. have all taken over our government, our lives, and our freedom. Money and power decides all, and money is power. Our former president ran several companies in to the ground, had several arrests for DUI and drugs, the first lady killed a man!!!!yet still made it to the highest office in our government. This is an excellent example how people who actually care do not make a difference only the highest bidder gets to make decisions.

Finally back to Joe...Joe took an extreeme act as an excersize of the only voice of true freedom that he could find. I do not condone what he did but I surely understand his frustrations and discontent with the state of affairs in or freedomless lives.

What would our forefathers say about our lives now?

Joe Stack...RIP

To read the full aricle this was based on visit: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_plane_crash_pilot