Awakening Subconscious

The Awakening Subconscious explores themes of rebirth, growth, self-healing and the evolution of self. The central female figure blinks taking her first steps back into the physical and tangible world. She seems vulnerable and exposed, yet she is ready to leave the safety of her voluntary seclusion. It is the end of the cold still winter and the hibernation of her slumbering soul is anxiously waiting to be awakened. She is exposing her big bright eyes to the vivid spectrum of overwhelmingly beautiful colors surrounded by layers of lifelike shadows fading and growing in every brilliant shade of indigo and blue. Dreamlike visions are abstract and blurred, coming into focus, and then revealing the details of a familiar palatable memory of the past. She discovers clarity from the chaos of thoughts which cloud the constant traffic inside her blossoming mind. Always moving in days of life and never resting in the realm of a requiem of dreams. She processes the world of emotions and sensations that exist in reality, the unconsciousness and in the depths of her imagination. Cautiously holding on, yet knowing when to elegantly let go. She escapes the harsh realities of the world feeling the powerful rush of release into harmony. Inevitably floating towards a transcendent and static state of enlightenment while realizing that your state of mind is the authentic key to genuine fulfilment is where she exists.


The soothing wind breathes life into the swaying trees restoring a delicate balance. The aromatic flowers blossom once again as each petal is slowly yawning, stretching and peeling away from the protected stigma of the sweetest intoxicating pollen. The golden yellow daffodils are the quintessential symbol of the end of the dreary and desolate winter months. It is the sign that new beginnings are on the horizon of spring. A transpiring heightened sense of intense awareness manifests all magnificent beauty around you entering an ethereal state of nirvana. The blue wet rain washes away the soil of the past and brings new life for the garden to blossom and grow. Seeds expand in the ground reaching up through the rich fertile facade of soil always drawn towards the warmth of the glowing sun. Each leaf escapes the cool, damp and dark world below. Slowly venturing towards the unknown while keeping its roots protected and nourished underground with eyes and hearts wide open. The first steps into warmth and out of the shadows, we discover the soul’s salvation.


By: Rochelle Fox

IT

I run, it follows


I fight, it wins


I smile, it returns


I go down, it takes me lower


I win a battle, it wins the war


I feel, it hurts


I dream, it crushes


I hope, it doesn’t care

When there is absence of light...

There is a demon inside that I fear I cannot control. He is intelligent, ruthless, and never ceases. He can take the most beautiful, serene, and honest moment and turn it into hell. He can make me want to pack up and quit on a whim at any moment and situation in my life. He takes any moment of self-respect and nullifies whatever confidence may be felt. He assures that sorrow, helplessness, and despair are never but a wave of emotions away. Very few things can overcome him (even if for the briefest moments) except self awareness and never ending understanding from those around me (which to date doesn’t exist). He causes me to lie, steal, treat others unkind, and never to be satisfied. To date, the will power I possess is no match for his callous omnipresent tentacles. He understands my true deepest desires and goals and assures that these are the accomplishments furthermost from experiencing. The only solace I can confide is in the music that sweeps my emotions away (even if for just a couple of minutes). The music’s intoxicating veil lifts my soul and sheds light on the dark demon momentarily allowing my soul to briefly escape the dark side. The music always reveals our exaggerated fears and insecurities and our authentic self. But, alas, there is no match for the demons merciless thirst for self destruction. I have often felt a surreal sense of being out of body when the demon takes over. I can see what is happening as it occurs but I have no control of his appalling actions. Once I repopulate my actions the instantaneous feeling of guilt and regret render me in capable of being productive or expressive in any manner. The irony of it all is that when the demon is in control it is nothing of what I consider my true self, yet when he arrives no one is spared and I can confide in no one. The demon guarantees abstinence of light so Anhedonia permeates my soul.

Not As Crazy As He May Seem...

Today I began my day, like many days, checking the news on the home page of yahoo.com and I was greated by a disturbing picture of a damaged building.

I read on about Jow Stack. Joe was considered, well, to be an average Joe by many of his friends, family and coworkers. Apparantly Joe was upset with the IRS. We can all relate to being frustrated with our government and especialy the IRS. Well, Joe apparantly couldn't take the IRS typical cold and unepathetic stance on their laws and guidlines and Joe flew a plane into a building in Austin, Texas were some of the local IRS offices are (pictured above).  I do not condone risking others peoples lives in order to make a point. But, I think if we all can take a empathetic moment and put our selves in his shoes we might understand.

Joe had atempted to start several busniess in CA that failed and in two particular years he didnt file taxes. Joe said he didnt file taxes because he didnt make any money, but the IRS didnt care that he didnt have any earnrings to be taxed, so so he received fines for not filing taxesfor which he owed no taxes. Making a really long story short.... Joe was recently approached by the local IRS tax office with threats of freezing his bank accounts, assets, and his home in Austin, TX. Like I said before, his method is questionable, but we can all understand the feeling of hoplessness. Like any animal, when we are pushed against a wall and we feel we have no way out we attack.

My entire point in writting about this is not to condone violent acts in order to attempt to prove points, but its that I feel our government has grown so big and powerful that they bully its citizens daily. Our country was founded on principles that were clearly established in order not to allow a large centralized government entity (be it a monarchy or capitalistic toltalitarian dictatorship) from running our everyday lives. Over time, the government has used our fears and money to gain more and more control untill we no longer live in a free society. Are we really free?

Can we pick up and move across the world? Can we chose to live our lives as a reclouse lost in the mountains not paying taxes or wanting to interact with the rest of society? Can we chose what high school, prep school, or university to go to? The answer to all of these really is no. We have the illusion that we can make choices in our lives, but the reality is the government and its interests have limited our choices to what they want us to decide. Drug companies, insurance companies, oil, special interest groups, etc. have all taken over our government, our lives, and our freedom. Money and power decides all, and money is power. Our former president ran several companies in to the ground, had several arrests for DUI and drugs, the first lady killed a man!!!!yet still made it to the highest office in our government. This is an excellent example how people who actually care do not make a difference only the highest bidder gets to make decisions.

Finally back to Joe...Joe took an extreeme act as an excersize of the only voice of true freedom that he could find. I do not condone what he did but I surely understand his frustrations and discontent with the state of affairs in or freedomless lives.

What would our forefathers say about our lives now?

Joe Stack...RIP

To read the full aricle this was based on visit: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_plane_crash_pilot

Ever-Present Love

Love is an illusion. A dream many of us manipulate but truth is revealed through a realization that love, desire, and a sense of wholeness is ever present. A true and healthy relationship is founded in the recognition of similar ambitions, dreams, mutual respect and admiration. Love cannot be found in someone else. Love must already be present in an individual and it is merely recognized by another that too already possesses self love and both parties being willing to reciprocate. Self love is the foundation for any other type of love that exists in our universe.

Love is ever present and our personal Indulgence and cultivation of this love via a personal relationship is the soundest way to open and experience this state of being. We are all capable of properly loving another. Ever-present love is the love that exists between us and any other being that exists in our lives. Sometimes relationships can temporarily rob of us of the ever-present love but we must remain steadfast in our faith and freedom that can only be found in this abundant love.

The love each individual on this planet currently have, are searching for, or have searched for in our lives is already present. A focus on the existence of the ever-present and self love will unlock the love we have all been searching for.

"Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile..."

Forever Is Not So Long

In the manner most of us live our lives we don’t take too much (if any) time to slow our pace of life and appreciate the truly wonderful small endeavours and moments that make our lives special. We all make plans to finish that project, catch up with those friends, say something to someone special, forgive, and be honest with ourselves, so many things we procrastinate with assuming we will have the time, attention, or patience to deal with in the future. Living our lives in this manner is a sure way to lead a life in which will surely have regrets. I'm not sure about everyone else but if there is one thing I would love to avoid in any facet of my life are regrets. We are all accurately pressed for our time, but making time for things and possessing awareness of the smallest things, even if you think we don’t have the time, are the moments in which we sincerely enrich our lives. All we have in our world that will be worth anything to us later in this life and even beyond are the moments in which we live our lives in the manner that we genuinely chose to. We have to do our best to faithfully make decisions based on what is best for ourselves. I’m not claiming that a life lived selfishly is the correct way to handle our lives, but a life that is lived while keeping true to ourselves is a life that will ultimately be more satisfying. We all want to please others, our parents, friends, loved ones, co-workers, neighbours, etc., but what we do to be true to ourselves, our desires, passions, and goals are the acts that will give us a sense of accomplishment and a life well lived when seen in retrospect. Don’t deny who or what you are, and don’t be afraid to allow others to know who and what you are. Live your life in a manner that when you near your end, whether today or a hundred years from now, you will be able to hold your head up high and know that you lived your life to the fullest and most importantly honest to yourself.

Universal Untruths

There is a lot more to our lives and our surroundings than most of us except. I know that this is not a new concept, but we dismiss too many things in our lives as coincidence, hallucinations, drugs, alcohol, stress, etc. I have had so many things happen to me that seem impossible and indescribable that led me to truly believe that there is a lot more going on than what we realize. We are a bit too full of ourselves and of our accomplishments over time. I do not want to diminish many amazing discoveries and technologies that have been made a reality, but there is way more that we don’t know than what we do know. We have only discovered I’m guessing around 1% of outer space. We have yet been to the depths of our oceans! There are many scientific discoveries, theories, or principles that we assume are factual, but I know we will discover over the approaching years many of them are actually skewed from the reality we will discover. Humanity has been around for a lot longer than science has proved to be “true”, and just because they didn’t have computers does not mean that previous civilizations didn’t have technology that was just as advanced or even more advance than we currently enjoy. Unfortunately, time, nature, and man has destroyed most of the evidence of past brilliance that has already existed on this planet.

We only use a very small percentage of our brains! I believe that if we had nearly full function, or control, of our brain power that we would be able to communicate fully without words between humans, animals, the unborn, undead, and who knows what else. I have seen first hand evidence that we almost know nothing of our lives and capabilities. Imagination is one of the only sources of allowing our minds to think outside of the box that our families, churches, teachers, governments, societies, etc. confine us to. Our past, present, and even futures are often dictated by these confining forces. If we can rise above our situations and realize that our lives and universe are boundless. There is no such thing as impossible, never, or no. We are capable of achieve light-years more than even I realize we are capable of. I think it is hard or unfavourable for us as human beings to realize how insignificant we really are in the grand scheme of it all. In another three to five thousand years there will be almost none or no evidence of our lives, technology, accomplishments, etc. No one wants to grasp the notion that we are as significant or not as in control of our lives and future as we all pretend to be, but this is no reason to fear the unknown. The unknown will bring us much closer to the truths of our universe and ourselves. All we can do is maintain a relentless pursuit of truth and do the best with what we have at any moment in our lives. Happiness, wealth of any sort, and many other things are just a matter of changing our thought pattern. If we truly believe that we have everything we need and anything else we might desire will come when the time is right then we already can enjoy this feeling of wholeness many of us pursue.

Favorite Poem - The Road Not Taken (R. Frost,1920)

Two Roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;



Then took the other, as just as fair,

and having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,



And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.



I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two Roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.


Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) Mountain Interval 1920

Loss

What is it about loss? Whether its a loss of a friend or loved one, loss of love, home, or property all is loss. I suggest it may be the reminder of how impermanent everything and everyone is. The realization or reminder that all is temporary. It may be the reminder of our mortality. Loss can be the reminder that we are all here for a brief time and none of us know how brief it may be. No one likes ambiguity and loss and these serve as a remembrance of our existence of uncertainty. As sad, depressing, and unmotivating these feelings of having no control over our mortality may be there is an alternative. When loss occurs it is normal to experience feelings of remorse and sadness, but we have a choice on how we reconcile with these concerns. Choosing to be angry and allowing these feelings to remain near the surface is unhealthy and unwise. We can have control. We can chose how we deal and reconcile with these very natural feelings. Always take time to mourn. Mourning over a loss is necessary in order to attempt to move on in our lives no matter how difficult this may seem. Never mourn too long because living in the past is not productive for our futures. As a final stage of the mourning process we must take time to find the productive, constructive or positive aspects of any loss. This may be supremely difficult in certain circumstances, but this step is crucial. We must understand that any loss no matter how wounding can be found to have positive aspects. It can be the fact that loss is a pathway for others to find enlightenment through whatever form of religious dogma you follow. Or, the satisfaction of knowing that we always have what we need when we need it. If we have lost something then it is the will of the almighty. Karma and destiny shall dictate when you have what you need. Loss is one of the hardest emotions to deal with, but we all have the strength to mourn our loss and gain even the smallest fraction of wisdom. With the further attainment of wisdom we become better and stronger people. Tomorrow is a new day and another chance to start over and make a difference.

Feeling Change

This is strange but familiar feeling we all are intimate with. Sometimes we are not sure what we are feeling or we might not even be aware of the feeling as we experience it. Transition or change it has been referred to, but a more accurate description would be living. At certain moments in our lives we feel something is happening. As we board a train, step into a car, or take off on a plane we are experiencing these intimate moments of transition that are palpable. Sometimes, we are not aware enough to acknowledge these moments whether we understand why or why not they are occurring. It is these moments that we are experiencing a real moment of change in our lives in which we can actual pin point this moment as the catalyst or culmination of change. We might fail to understand the significance of these moments of change or we might not be ready or willing for this change to occur. In life when these moments come all we can do is our best to ride the wave of change. We often take these moments to reflect on the opportunity cost of our life decisions and direction. Was this the right decision? Am I choosing the right direction? we might know the answers to these questions at these moments, but life always reveals the answers with in time. Always trust your instincts and allow life to transpire from these decisions whether ultimately good or bad. Take these moments and embrace them as flashes of real living despite the conditions of the moment. In these moments we can actually feel life our destinies manifesting themselves. Often these moments bring sentiments of happiness, gratitude, and sadness all alike. These feelings are always present in these moments regardless of the type of change or where we are at in our life's journey. Wow! What amazing times I just realized I had the privilege to experience. What hurt or regret I feel for the recent decisions I have made. Regardless of how we are choosing to file these memories away we can feel them. We might be on the later of the two experiences in that we are not happy with the way certain changes or events transpired, but that is the power of these moments in which we can chose to put a positive spin on the most dismal situations. Always be gracious and decide to file these experiences away as lessons learned and this will allow us to truly grow as people. Do not harbour angst towards others for decisions they have made because everyone eventually will face their issues over and over again until we learn the life lessons we need to in order to gain the wisdom that will serve us constructively in the future. Bask in these moments of change when they are occurring. We must take these moments to appreciate the lessons we have been privileged to learn which will give us the wisdom to avoid these pitfalls in our futures. Be continually gracious for these changes and lessons for these are the moments that mould us into whom we are. "Change will not come of we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we have been waiting for. We are the change that we seek (Pres. Obama, Speech Feb. 5th, 2008)".

Our Authentic Self

It's curious how we know the outcome of certain circumstances yet we don't allow ourselves to fully grasp or feel what the truth really is. We know the outcome but we don't acknowledge what we know deep inside will be the inevitable outcome. I think we all could use a healthy dose of reality on a regular basis. This life being lived in the realm of denial will only lead to the presdestined conlusions which we surpress. Everyday make an effort to acknowledge different areas or subjects of your life in which you find yourslef repressing the inevitable. Now, I know this is way easier said than done, but by working hard to realize and identify these moments in which we find ourselves in patterns of denial only then can we begin to sober ourselves to the true authenticity of out life. When one finds themselves denying any point take that moment to identify it and attempt to understand the egos reason for surpressing the issue and then we can begin to build our authentic self. Deal with the issus you deny youself and you will find your life to be a more pleasant and authentic place to exist. A trully auuthentic person is someone that everyone wants to be around and more importantly trusts. The truth that lies within us is the truth that will set us free.

Make It Happen

It’s hard for us to realize how lucky we are for what we have at this very moment no matter what that means to each of us. If we could only swallow our self defeating thought patterns and realize that we are worthy and beautiful people who deserve to feel satisfied and significant only then we would be able to allow ourselves to feel true satisfaction regardless of our situation. The attainment and possession of material things only further the need to continue the negative and self defeating pattern of possessions collection. We may even get to a point where we have every possession in the world and only then, hopefully, we would be able to realize that none of these possessions and all of that wasted time could satisfy us in the manner that we yearn. Only the simple decision and proliferation of a positive thought pattern in which we are worthy and currently enjoy everything we need to be truly happy, then we will be able to bathe in the blessing of experiencing the immensely valuable and constructive feeling of gratitude and self satisfaction. Make yourself believe, even if you have to lie to yourself, that whatever you yearn for, you have it now. We have all lied to ourselves in a negative capacity, now it’s time to put that practice of self-deception to positive work. I’m not saying to become completely delusional of reality, but to simply attempt to make yourself believe these positive considerations. Make it happen in your mind and it will happen in your life.

Never Give Up

Perseverance is one of the most important attitudes we can chose apply. We cannot be denied what we truly want when we refuse to give up on it until we have it. No matter what it is as long as we continue to fight for it then it will be close to becoming reality. There is no such thing as dreaming too big. There have people in the past that were considered insane for what their dreams were, but once they attained them they changed the world. We all possess this power no matter what sex you are, where you come from, what your name is, what you look like, or anything else can keep you from what you truly want as long as you refuse to give up. Be true to yourself, work hard, and never give up and you can have everything you can dream of. Limits and fear are something we create in reality they don’t exist. Nothing should ever hold you back from achieving what you truly want. Fear, excuses, and procrastination are tools of a weak person. A strong person understands that these things are there to keep you from what you want so they don’t let these things rule them. Life is short so take advantage of every opportunity you have to achieve, better your life and those of others, and never stop striving for better.

Just For Today...

The harsh reality of our lives is that every moment we live is another moment we may have wasted. If we could really look at our lives in Macro approach we would realize that every moment in our lives is but a pixel in the larger picture that makes up our extraordinary lives. Therefore, we must take this perspective of knowing that each moment no matter how mundane or insignificant we may think it may be is a blessed moment we had the privilege to experience. Also, if we find ourselves in a moment of stress, anger, disappointment, or melancholy we must realize that these moments are merely insignificant and will pass when considering the larger picture of our lives. But, just like a picture, our entire lives will fly by like a snap shot.

Looking back on fond memories makes me realize that we often don’t recognize the significance of a chance meeting, living or even being somewhere, sharing even a simple moment whether alone or with some else are moments that will hold special significance in our hearts once they are appreciated retrospectively. I have been truly privileged to have met and shared countless superb and unforgettable times with some truly exceptional, unique, and beautiful individuals.
I take this moment, as I have taken others before, to feel truly blessed and humbled by the presence and occurrence of sharing moments I have enjoyed with many people throughout my hallowed life. I will sincerely and continually make an effort to let these people know how I feel about them with no agenda or expectations what so ever.

If we can look at our lives and realize the honour we have had to share the moments have and to possess the things that we currently have and have had in the past, then we will realize that we have and have had everything we need. Once we make this change of thought we will experience true gratitude and satisfaction at numerous levels of our lives. Everything we have always wanted we can have now by simply realizing (and maybe convincing ourselves) that we have it all. Most of us have been honestly blessed to have never gone without the things we need to not only survive but flourish and enjoy lavishly in our lives. If we would have gone without then we would have had the experience and hopefully the wisdom to see that we are now blessed beyond expectations. We do not need to go without, suffer, or sacrifice in order to attain the wisdom that allows us to come to the realization that we have it all now.

If we can start, even just for today, to love everyone you can sincerely and without fear then truly special moments will be born without expectations. Those who react negatively to your efforts will have to deal with their own demons.
Just for today love, understand, and experience unconditionally.

I dedicate these thoughts to all of you special and beautiful people that have shaped my life without even realizing you were doing so. I am eternally appreciative for your influence in making me who I am, and more importantly, thanks for being you!

A Few Passing Thoughts...

Do not struggle against the current when down stream is where you need to be.

Not Yesterday, Not Today, Not Even Tomorrow, Life is Today.

The best battle that can be won is the internal struggle.

Happiness is just a decision away.

We...

We...

We move

We meet

We share

Relationships flourish

A sense of intimacy is reciprocated

Memories burgeon

We part

We yearn

We reflect

We...

Live Your Life...

Live your life and walk away

Experience the moment and then get away

Deep inside the memories will never fade away

The reasons will not appear as I go away

Every moment that passes by shows that there is no way

Do not wait any longer, it will not make me any stronger

The tears will fall as I fly away

Always live your life in every way

Tomorrow will become today

This Poem is dedicated to all of those special people that seem to be flashes of brillance that I have been lucky enough to share moments of my life.

Why do I care, when I don’t want to care for you

Below is a poem that has been inspired by recent events......

Why do I care, when I don’t want to care for you

I care but I don’t want to
You get drunk
I care but I don’t want to
You compromise yourself
I care but I don’t want to
You whisper what I want to hear
I care but I don’t want to
You hold it all in
I care but I don’t want to
You open up to me
I care but I don’t want to
You don’t learn from your mistakes
I care but I don’t want to
You don’t value yourself
I care but I don’t want to
You tell me you need me
I care but I don’t want to
You reach out to me
I care but I don’t want to
I yearn for your touch, smell, and look
I care but I don’t want to
We argue
I care but I don’t want to
You are gone
I care but I don’t want to
You love me
I care but I don’t want to
You make me want to be a better person
I care but I don’t want to
I try so hard not care, but I want to

Sometimes we try so hard to protect ourselves from certain feelings and our heart doesn't listen to our plea. One look is all it took and the bricks of the wall that I built around my heart came crashing down. God, give me the wisdom to over come the failures that my heart is too weak to handle.

Lincoln's Prophecy

I would like to start off by thanking anyone who is checking out this blog. Together we can all make this planet and all planes of existence a better place. I have created this blog as a manner for self expression on many topics that are constantly harassing my inner most thoughts.

First, a quote from a man that was extremely spiritually enlightened, and I believe never knew so.

Abraham Lincoln's Prophecy

On Nov. 21, 1864 President Abraham Lincoln wrote a letter to Colonel William F. Elkins.

President Lincoln wrote, "I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. As a result of the war, corporations have been enthroned, and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed. I feel at this moment more anxiety for the safety of my country than ever before, even in the midst of war."

I can feel the emotion and concern that the great former president felt in the moment he was writing this profound, intuitive, and truthful prophecy. The US was once one of the greatest countries in the world to live, grow up, and work in. Sadly, this is no longer the case. The US has the power, influence, money, and means to indulge it's citizens in free universal health care, affordable housing, employment for almost all it's citizens, and many other completely crucial life necessities. But, the US is a country ran by corporations, lobbyists, and ultimately money.

The corruption that the president wrote of has been a part of business since his days, and continues to threaten the very core of the US and it's citizens. The US, with all the claims it makes of progress of equality for all is still a country ran by white men with money. So, nothing has changed since before his time. The US chooses to believe that the prejudice the president wrote of does not exist any longer, but it is alive and well in every facet of American life.

It is an embarrassment to live in a country that has one of the largest GDP's in the world yet it's citizens starve, go without, and die in need. The US allows a man that can not even handle his own family and life, and who also has sent many companies he was responsible for into the oblivion of history, to still rule. The current president creates war and conflict in order to further his own family and interests, while the US falls deeper into a recession, housing slump, and rising unemployment.

I write about this today because a great man once had the wisdom to see what was to come to his once great republic, but now shamed, greedy, and lost is what he once fought for which is now an afterthought. Freedom, equality, and happiness is not on the US's current schedule. The US citizens must take back the Republic it once fought to create and return it to the path it was once on. The US is filled with some of the greatest people with the best potential, but the current status of it's government and the complacency it's citizens live in must change in order for real progress to take place.